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It's all fucking pink in here...

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Lad deee daah [08 Dec 2004|01:25pm]
[ mood | Broken ]


Why? Oh lots of reasons...I'm too busy..too all over the place. Going back to California. It's a long story. Things are not going my way and this thing has been more of an obligation then a pleasure to update, so for now it is over.

Thanks to everyone who was a part of it.

CricketFact: I'm keeping the account so I can stalk you all now and then. Mwwhahahahaa.

Continue breeding.

Edit: Not leaving NY forever...just taking a vacation.

Okay so .... [18 Oct 2004|01:47pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

Every once a month I go through this phase, where I get really health conscious. I make it a point to brush my teeth every day, put on lotion, shave my legs, paint my toes (I'm pretty sure most girls don't have to remind themselves to do these things). I go to the gym like every week and take vitamins and all that shit.

I've noticed that this is the only time when I feel that it is okay to talk to my mother. This way when she asks me the barrage of usual health questions I can give her honest answers without all the guilt. Yet, no matter how much I am suddenly taking care of myself, she knocks the whole thing down with some other diagnosis of what is wrong with me.

This week I have fibromyalgia. Oh yeah...cuz it's genetic see and since she has it at 62 I MUST have it at 24. Exact phone conversation from yesterday,

"Are you tired a lot"
"Yeah but I wake up at 4am"
"Are you depressed"
"You know fibromyalgia brings on depression."
"really sweetie if are you depressed, you can tell me."
"I'm fine mother."
"Alright....you know you can always tell me..."
"I've got to go."

*Endlessss scrrreeeeeeaaaaaaammmmmiiiiiiiinnnnnggg*

Why is it that when someone asks you to repeatedly validate how you are feeling, you over analyze everything and immediately become depressed?

So before all that she plugged this fibromyalgia website. It's like ever since my mom figured out how to use a computer she uses the internet to validate every outrageous concern she ever had about me. I went there checked it out and I have come to the conclusion it is a completely made up disease.

We have simply named the aging process. Face it you Fibro-fucks...you are all getting older. Tired-ness, sore joints, stiffness... all that shit comes with this mortality gig. Shit I would be depressed too. And everyone who says they have it when they are young...is simply a hypochondriac.

So I'm thinking of getting a new phase. Maybe this week I will by six packs every night...eat potato chips and belch until I feel it in my toes. Sure I will still shave my legs and put lotion on. A girl has still got to look good.

Cricketfact: It took me a solid day to recover from Mexican brunch.

16 comments|post comment

[11 Oct 2004|02:59pm]
[ mood | OMG WTF ]

Some of the best shit I've read all day. Thanks to eye_saved_latin for posting it.


Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built it on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

CricketFact: Bye Bye Ashy...according to you we are now safe. It must be nice to live in neverland.

17 comments|post comment

Dood [10 Oct 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | what tha fuck?????? ]

So about the visitor thing...just kidding.

Ya know right when you think your safe someone up and calls to say SURPISE! I'm in New York.

Our friend Ryan is on tour with a band for a bit. He came out from L.A to do some video footage for their tour. I love the guy but surprising us by calling on the only night he would be in town put a lot of pressure on me. I would say he made up for this by getting us into the show at Irving Plaza except the band was Simple Plan. So begins the downward spiral....

Enter screaming 14-year-old-girls...400 of them. They of course were all accompanied by their parents. What is normally the VIP room turned into the parents lounge aka the geriatric ward. It was also the only place I could get some alcohol and I most happily medicated myself. I should say over-medicated myself, which would have been fine if I didn't have to work at 4am the next morning.

I would just like to state for the record that Simple Plan has got to be the worst band I have ever seen live. No fuck that ...they are the worst band ever who seem to be miraculously topping the charts. I've enjoyed country music more then this group of adolescent corporate whores. What really blew me away was they thought they rocked. Ben made a good point when he said he had more respect for Britney Spears. I mean at least she knows she's a product. Someone hands her material and she performs. These assholes actually sit for hours in a recording studio trying to sound like they do. They put hours into sucking. It amazes me.

What amazes me even more is that yet again I feel like I don't get it. It's like the rest of the country is jumping up and down, voting for Bush, rocking out to Simple Plan and I'm in a corner drooling on myself. Maybe every once in a while I mix it up to stop, giggle, and hit myself on the head with my nerf foamy bat, but mostly I'm just making soft noises and blowing bubbles with my own spit.

Fuckin' A.

7 comments|post comment

Hi I'm the flakiest LJ poster evvvaaaarrrr..... [09 Oct 2004|02:35pm]
[ mood | skeet skeet ]

*crawls out from under rock*


My visitor mayhem is over. Thank fucking god. For those of you who didn't know Ben and I have had 15 people stay with us in the last three months. When you include our visit to Canada that means we have had one weekend to ourselves.

I almost forget what a penis looks like.

It's just hard to do anything you really want to when you have to entertain. I've learned a lot. Like I hate parades. They always sound like a good idea and then 3 million people flood your block to watch other people walk down the street in costumes and you realize parades are the most stupid fucking pointless ventures ever.

When I was complaining about the Halloween parade someone said the St. Patrick’s day parade was better. Somehow I think drunk people walking together is even more frightening. I think on the whole crowds of people together suck. I get really paranoid about the whole mob mentality thing. Even flocks of birds and sheep scare me...maybe I need help.

So Bush won. I really have no opinion which is detrimental to any sort of change. It's just sad to me that people can't see past their tiny little family microcosm in order to see a bigger picture. They are so driven by security that they didn't understand what they were losing on a domestic level. Sure it makes sense not to change things in the middle of a war, but fear drives that decision. I don't think that Americans feel safe and that is what this election reflected. To them Bush was a safe choice, too bad he wasn't a smart one.

yeah...now that my life is returning back to normal I'll be around a lot more.

over n' out.

13 comments|post comment

I really shouldn't have a computer.... [05 Oct 2004|11:49am]
[ mood | amused ]

So yeah been around.

I really shouldn't have a computer. My sporadic posting habits are annoying...I admit. Truly I wanted to let everyone know that I don't stop reading them. In fact I'm very stalkerish in that I do indeed know what is going on with all of you. I just felt I owed it to everyone on my friends list to say even if I'm not posting or commenting...I am here and I do care.

But unfortunately the randomness in my posting won't ever stop. I'm just too all over the place to keep a steady commitment to anything. If this bothers you feel free to remove me. Otherwise just trust I'll keep stalking.

In completely other news the weekly rundown:

I was almost killed yesterday in a situation that involved a flock of pigeons, a basketball, two tourists, and a Chinese delivery man.
My boss is the flakiest person alive.
Ran into Mike Meyers...literally. Dude he was in a hurry.
Remember how in the 80's it was really cool to have a cartoon credit opening to a movie? I really want that trend to come back. Ahhh the good stuff never does.
Saw Shaun of The Dead. Kind of a disappointment.
I started feeding The Fatness and Stupid low calorie cat food. They don't even know they are getting thinner. Why can't someone start spiking my food with shit like that? LIE TO ME.

Bush and Kerry debate was fucking hilarious. I think I was most impressed when Kerry got Bush to admit that sometimes when you are leading a country you need to shift your position. (This was said in his own defense regarding the war. He went for WMD and ended up relieving the world of a terroist supporting leader. He shifted positions) But Bush's entire criticism of Kerry was that he kept switching and flip flopping positions in the past...yet in a war it was okay for Bush to change his mind? If I was Kerry I would have pressed that more but it was near the end of the debate when Bush said it. Dumb shit.

Cricketfact: best and worst part of Shaun of the dead: I haven't gotten Duran Duran out of y head since I saw it........white lines....blloooowwww aawwaaaayyy.

12 comments|post comment

[24 Sep 2004|11:48am]
[ mood | ohhhhmy ]

been very busy
want to scream

I was sick last week...debated going to the hospital 3 trillion times...better now. good.
I got a job. Much thanks to mightywombat for hookin' a sista up.
Ben and I have friends visiting us from out of town every fucking weekend until the second week of December...how many times can you go to the top of the Empire state building.
Currently I'm spending my nights wondering where Tim Robbins gets his hair cut and how I can get a job doing voice overs for Iron Chef.

You all really need to get the new Bjork album. Fucking amazing.
6 comments|post comment

Randomness in the wee hours... [19 Sep 2004|02:18pm]
[ mood | bloody ]

There is something satisfying about watching from Dusk Till Dawn at 3am. It's just one of those movies that is always on after midnight and always seems the better for it. Every time I watch it I just have this weird craving to lick the a tattoo on George Clooney's neck.
Best line in the movie is when Cheech Marin describes all the pussy he is selling including chicken pussy. I try to picture who would have a chicken pussy and for some reason Lisa Loeb pops into my head. Don'tchya think?

If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere...fuck it....

I had a rather violent fall on the street the other day. The kind that made strangers come over and ask if I was okay. NO NO I’m not fucking okay I just face planted on the concrete. But all you can do is reply nicely.

"oh man...that sucked. dude I'm fine... really I’m okay."
"but dude your bleeding"
reply in my head:
"Yeah in more places then you know pal so just BACK THE FUCK OFF!"
...premenstrual doesn't even come close.

Cricketfact: It's amazing to me how easily 'cunt' can roll of my tongue, but whenever I say the word 'Saskatchewan' I feel dirty.

6 comments|post comment

Help me.... [15 Sep 2004|07:09am]
[ mood | complacent ]

I'm not sure how it even happened. mrshellion told me hours of fun were to be had...I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

So it's wrong that I spent like over an hour playing on this site right?

6 comments|post comment

Big long rant... [14 Sep 2004|10:06am]
[ mood | whatthefuck? ]

When I was walking around on Saturday some guy insisted I take this stuffed heart in remembrance of 9-11. The thing had some cotton jammed in it and looked like a 2-year old had sewn it together. When I refused to take one the guy came over to where I was sitting and gave me a guilt trip about not taking a heart earlier. So I grabbed it and put it in my bag.

Now it's not like I don't have sympathy for 9-11, I just hate it when people use it as an excuse to hand me pointless shit on the street. I really don't need a tiny heart pillow for me to remember that the two towers fell. I mean it's here everyday. It's every time I look down the end of my street. I can remember 9-11 in my own way. I cry my own way and I don't need a fucking memorial or an anniversary to do it.

So there is this big tag on the thing about how you are supposed to give the heart to someone else throughout the day for the anniversary for 9-11 and it's a living memorial. The tiny hearts are a sign of peace and love...blah blah...it's a fucking pillow the size of my fist. Okay and living memorial my ass...it's a chain letter. People hate that shit.

Well I didn't know what the hell to do with it, I'm totally not giving it to someone else, (that is like spreading hate) so I decided I would throw some cat-nip in there and make a little kitty treat for da fatness (aka fatness of the fat). So I tear all the cotton out of this thing and inside is a note which reads:

"September 11th 2001 was a terrible day. The world Trade Center is now not standing. I feel really stressed out, sad, depressed. But it's not in my mind that much. The date is April, 3 2003. My name is John D'Auroro. I am 10 years old."

Dude. How fucked up is that? First of all they give you something on the street that they are secretly asking you to destroy so you can pull out a scribbled note from a 3rd grader? Oh man not to mention that this kids full name was in there. I'll have you know I googled little Johnnie and learned he is a c average student at a local school (total lie). Must be why he is stressed out and doesn't think about it much.

So I threw out the note and filled the pillow with the cat nip. I have destroyed something and recreated it to be something beautiful only so that it might be destroyed again....once the cat rips it to shreds.

It's all in here..*points to temple*.

Cricket fact: So I know some of you got hearts too. Rip em open see what they say. Stop the madness.

9 comments|post comment

Macarner. [13 Sep 2004|12:11pm]
[ mood | Si se puede! ]

Ben and I had a fantastic fucking weekend. Thanks to all of you who were a part of it. Who knew potty Elmo could be so fucking hilarious?

I spent Saturday evening watching a traditional Irish band up in Yonkers called Shilelagh Law.

I would just like to say they were fucking amazing. It really doesn't get much better then Irish music and drinking beer and I'm not even Irish. The song called "Christmas in New York" is the best song I have heard written about 9-11. I was bawling at the end of it.

After that we went to some other places, saw other stuff, met other people and drank until 5am. I was pretty sure the place we ended up was owned by the Irish mob...but you never say that around there.

Everyone I met was in awe of the fact I just moved here from California. They wanted to know how I was liking it.... wondering if the city had broke me yet. I said I'm getting used to it, but really my answer is starting to change into...I really like it here. Today I'm starting to think California who?

And now I need a poll.Collapse )

3 comments|post comment

My life in a shell... [10 Sep 2004|10:46am]
[ mood | little bubbies ]

Last week hung out with mightywombat and murnkay. I've never hung out with people who laughed so much and on top of all the laughing had contagious laughs. Just thinking about it makes me laugh even more. My gay cat took a particular liking to wombat. I'm not insinuating anything...I'm just saying I think he misses him.

The long weekend was spent with friends from Toronto who just plain wore me the fuck out. I never want to go to central park again. Not like ever. I get lost in that place man. It all makes no sense.

Ever feel like someone is writing through you? It's like when ever I'm most inspired to write I get this feeling I'm channeling something else through me. It's like I'm not even me anymore I just write. I don't know why this has to happen at 3am.

Living with Ben is strange. Sometimes I just look at him and he is so cute I want to hurt him. This results in my running across the room, jumping on top of him and slapping his face. He says I have a condition. His new nickname for me is "special soup", which is so fucked up I can't even say it without laughing.

yeah I have problems...

Anyone else really looking forward to seeing Shaun of The Dead?

13 comments|post comment

[30 Aug 2004|01:25pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I'm sorry I HAD to DO it.Collapse )

2 comments|post comment

Holy CHRIST I'm posting twice in one week....and here is a list of randomness [26 Aug 2004|11:54am]
[ mood | complacent ]

I can't feel my toes. In fact I'm not sure if I could ever feel them. I'm not even sure if they are a part of my body. Until I actually stub one of my toes it feels like I have muffins for feet.

Ben is officially dating a cat. All I do is lay around, hang out on the couch, and groom myself. I have dwindled my intellect down to the size of a pea and if I don't find some kind of work soon I may start using the litter box.

I just finished reading The Name of The Rose by Umberto Eco, which means I have now read every book in my house. I need some good suggestions for new reading. I am going to go to the library and get all of your suggestions so don't fuck around people...I want the best of the best.

Some of you aren't aware of how fucked up and apocalyptic my dreams are. It is truly disturbing. Even Ben won't let me tell them to him because he says they fuck up the rest of his day. So now I am going to have to vent on your poor people:Collapse )

12 comments|post comment

I am so scene... [25 Aug 2004|09:43am]
[ mood | angry ]

So I went to see Face to Face at Irving Plaza. They played with Chemical Romance and Operatic. Now most punk rock shows are all ages so I expected to be one of the oldies at the venue. What I did not expect was that all the scenesters would be little bitches.

I made my way into the pit. I was literally the only girl in there*. Now this could have been based on two reasons. 1. Girls now a days are too pussy to get a little sweaty and smear their make-up. 2. I was fucking hammered and had little idea about what I could handle.

So if we go with the #2 theory it would explain why when I left the concert I had a black eye, was bleeding from my face, and vomited all over the place.

If we go with the #1 theory it would explain why every girl in there had no idea who Face to Face was and while I was in the bathroom puking they were fixing their hair and talking about what party they were going to next. Conversation I heard (before I got so wretchedly drunk) that went something like this:

girl A: Is Jason going to be here?
girl B: I think so...well he is going to the after party for sure.
girl A: omyfucking god he is so hot..you know he goes to Yale?
girl B: gawd and he listens to this fucking music why are we even here?

if I hadn't been wiping vomit off my shoe I would have punched them both.

*I was not the only girl. I saw two others. I won't go over technicalities, but they may have been gorillas.

yeah I've been a little angry lately. I apologize for this post.

8 comments|post comment

I Hate people and they hate me too...but really it is all love. [18 Aug 2004|03:59pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

It's hard to NOT look pissed-off when you are standing in line at the DMV or any other public county office line you really don't want to be in. It is even harder still to deal with the bowels of humanity that stand in these lines with you. But worst of all are the people who work at these places.

Every time I talk to them I swear my voice raises and octave and I melt into cheese. But the more dimples I flash the more hostile they got. At first I didn't understand it. The proper kindergarten training tells us play nice with the other kids, but really when someone is all nice in my face I usually want to punch them. See it's not the way you sound or how well you fill out the paper work, in fact it's not you at all. These people just fucking hate their jobs and the nicer you are, the happier you seem, which means your job rules compared to theirs and you become the ultimate villain in a bad B movie. So today at the county court office I went in with a new vibe. I call it the pissed off, stressed-out, I really hate my job-too act.

me: "I need a passport" *tired exasperated look*
court lady: "do you have all your paperwork?"
me:*hands over everything looking pissed*
court lady: "how’s your day going so far?"
me: "horrible. I’m late coming back from lunch, and now I have to pay for a rush on this stuff cuz it's late."
court lady: "I hear ya. Let me see if I can't rush this for you without the 128$ fee."
me:" man you'd make my week."
court lady: "oh trust me hun I've been there. don't worry about it I'll take care of this for you."
me: *appreciative nod*
court lady: *knowing wink*

I swear it was the I-hate-my-job vibe that did it...that and I let her feel my panties in the restroom (total lie).

Cricket Fact: I have no job right now which means I'm fucking broke. I am currently taking donations in the forms of alcohol and bad jokes....ready GO!

13 comments|post comment

Update.... [13 Aug 2004|01:12pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

Ever notice how happy people look when they take pictures together in one of those photo booths? I kind of see my life as one of those photo strips right now, the happy one, the funny face one, the awkward one, the kissing one....I'm just all over the place. Which I guess can be a good thing. Stability is over rated.

My mother is visiting me in NY right now. Just watching her walk around here cracks me the fuck up. See my mom is 5' 109lbs. We call her "tiny" or "peck"....and she never really walks, she kind of marches. Yesterday I decided she looked like Napoleon. I took her to the Comedy Cellar just below my apt. One of the Comedians picked on her the entire time. Needless to say ridiculous hilariousness ensued and my Mom had a great time.

It's nice being able to show someone around the city. Mostly I'm amazed I'm actually getting to know my way around. Tonight we are going to see Mamma Mia (her pick). Why is it that Abba songs get stuck in your head for days? What's worse is I don't really know any of the words so it just kind of goes "ddaa daaa ddaaa da FEeeerrrnnnaaanndddo" over and over, which I'm convinced is more annoying.

I've been gone so I'm allowed one more paragraph.Collapse )

3 comments|post comment

Some pics and other stuff. [23 Jul 2004|06:07am]
[ mood | complacent ]

I love it when the wheather forcast uses "Steamy" as opposed to "Muggy". Why can't they just say you were a little sweaty yesterday, today you will evaporate.

Bitching aside, I went to Europe. It was fucking amazing as Europe should be. I have loads and loads of pictures so what I have decided to do is post a few every day instead of overwhelming everyone.

*Disclaimer*These are Christa's feeble attempts to be artsy and cool which she is clearly not. She has no skills, no photoshop and no fucking idea how to use a camera.Collapse )

5 comments|post comment

Just a thought.... [22 Jul 2004|07:53am]
[ mood | cranky ]

You know if Steven Hawking can admit that he is wrong about black holes, why can't anyone in the American government admit 9-11 might have been prevented?

Why can't someone just step it up and admit that after decades of bad foreign policy we need to reform some shit? It seems so blatantly clear to me that when you do a bad job you get fired. It's what happens to you and me. It is how you bring about progress. It makes fucking sense.

It seems that a lot of people my age worked at companies that were on the verge of bureaucratic changes. Whenever this shit goes down management always eliminates all the people who weren't efficient. It seems to me that wars being fought over weapons never found is a major fuck up. Two buildings being blown up is a major lack of intelligence and security. I think some major eliminations are in order and we need to start with management.

cricket fact: Tell me a you fact today. Anything it can be completely random...I need a lift from the day to day grind.

20 comments|post comment

[19 Jul 2004|03:25pm]
So I'm back from my excursion and it is strange to return to this city and call it my home.

Mainly because it feels so far from that. It is odd how life changes so dramatically so quickly. I guess I'm still taking it all in. I've decided to sit still for a while and let it absorb before I react. Maybe we just need to let life happen sometimes.

I want this city to inspire me. I want to make it my home. But It is so hard for me to do this without comparing everything I encounter to what I'm used to. I miss the hell out of California right now and the urge to get back on a plane is all too tempting.

So far I have New York summed up like this; It can be the best place on earth and then the worst place with in seconds and not necessarily in that order. In California everything just sort of was...I mean never really great but never really bad. Just chill. I'm still trying to figure out what I prefer.

What I really need to do is erect myself into a position that makes me feel like I belong here. Latley that doesn't feel like a possibility without jumping into someone elses skin.

I do know this. I haven't felt like myself and I blame New York.
4 comments|post comment

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